Pick reminder for tonight and Sunday games. Drew Brees in the house that Jerry built tonight. The only question is how many times will they pan to Jerry Jones coked out face and wrinkly turkey neck during the broadcast? I put the over under at 20.
Apologies for missing last week. I was too busy not giving a fuck/eating. Vacation life ain’t for everyone but it is for me. That said, that doesn’t mean we don’t roast the week 11 winner. So AJ your time has come. AJ finds a way to win at least one week per year and typically we reserve his story time to talk about his urination habits which are questionable to say the least. However, AJ, now that you are no longer an officer in our military, it is only right that I expose you thoroughly. One time AJ got blackout drunk and paid $500 for a handjob. Frankly sir, you got shit deal. For $500 Kwan would’ve blown you to help pay off his bookie. I already paid you so I hope you put the money towards your next hand job.
Week 12 and I am excited to announce B as our winner! B is a longtime friend and a great athlete. He also recently married a woman which is surprising to anyone who knows him. He is great at a lot of things – wearing lululemon, owning a dog, having red hair, etc. – but he is also pretty fucking retarded too. One time B at gas station food at a strip club, got salmonella and shit blood for 2 weeks. Another time on spring break B brought home a local and had to watch her chainsmoke cigs on the balcony while the rest of us got laid. Also on spring break B I tried to set B up with this girl and instead he said her haircut looked stupid and she ran to the bathroom crying, B went home alone while the rest of us got laid. Another time on spring break, the squad again got laid and B had to settle for a rugged hand job from some chick I went to high school with. If you haven’t noticed, situational awareness is not this man’s strength. Thank god you are married. Enjoy this $10. Please use this to buy the next rough and rowdy fight on PPV.
Looking Back: Nobody died on our bye week, Hue Jackson died the next week. What a time.
Moving Forward: The Houston Texans are about to get fucked. Rematch of Watson vs Mayfield from 2015 in college, Baker gets his revenge and JJ Twatt goes home crying.
Good luck in week 13 gents!
– Dick Picks