Browns Football

RG3 Out, Osweiler In (kinda), Browns Playing 52 Pick-Up

Interesting offseason so far which kinda resembles the Browns just tossing a deck of cards into the air and seeing what they pick up off the floor. Don’t hate all the moves, don’t like all the moves (keep TP Sr. assholes). But, a lot of people praising the Browns lately for what they just did with Brock Osweiler – an NBA style trade where you get a guy and trade him before he even plays a game simply because you can afford it.

This certainly is new to the NFL so I understand why this is getting a lot of attention, what I don’t understand is why it is getting a lot of praise. This isn’t Belichick’s sorcery, this is a geek in a baseball uniform trying to run the most pathetic football franchise in the history of the world. I’m not saying it can’t work it out, and by god do I hope the Browns trade Osweiler, but am I the only one who realizes that it is entirely possible that trade does not happen? Because let me tell you folks, Brock Osweiler is a very tall, very expensive, ball thrower.

I have a 6’8″ friend that can catch a snap and throw a football, that doesn’t mean he belongs in the NFL and it certainly doesn’t mean he deserves $16 million a year. What is the difference between Brock Osweiler and my tall friend? Surprisingly not much other than the fact that my friend has gotten kinda fat since college. But they actually even kind of look alike. Ok, so what’s the point? Point is if my friend lost 50 pounds and threw on a Browns jersey this August, you may not be able to tell the difference between the overgrown idiot who basically throws out of the windup and my friend who sells slot machines for a living.  Sadly, that could be our reality come training camp, the Brocketship taking snaps and hoping the breeze coming off Lake Erie doesn’t knock him over before every defensive lineman not lined up over Joe Thomas gathers at his kidneys for their Sunday get together. Yes, I understand we could just release him, but what’s the fun in that?

So yeah, let’s pray there is actually a team out there that wants this guy, which, oh by the way, one of those teams, the New York Jets, just signed our old friend Josh “I don’t get paid $16mil a year to be incredibly mediocre but at least I’m not a huge pussy” McCown. So cross them off the list and that leaves….. San Francisco? Maybe? And that’s only because they literally have 0 QB’s and I’m willing to bet they’d rather sign up for the Vince Young comeback tour than the “too tall to throw a touchdown show.”

Finally, we will end with something positive. RG3 is out and can go back to selling sandwiches for people with no self respect!

I am beyond happy that slippery sandwich slinger won’t be running for his life every 14th game for us anymore. Not because he was a shitty QB who couldn’t stay healthy, that wasn’t the issue, but simply because of how unbearable his social media was. Let’s take a look at some of his best shall we?

OOOOHHH it’s Mr. 14 year-old girl!!

Who Robert? Who doesn’t want to see you happy? We don’t care if you’re happy we just wanted to see you slide, once.

“AWW!! What a sweetheart” – RG3’s ex-wife, probably.

Thanks for the post-election commentary Rob, the whole nation was on the edge of their seat waiting for this one.

And there it is, the nail in the coffin. Any support I had for RGIII died when he posted that shortly after the Super Bowl. Brady is busy molesting the NFL and RG3 is busy playing tummy sticks with his girlfriend. That’s it, I’m done, he’s out, thank god.


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