Well I have failed you. I went to the World Series, got food poisoning and have missed the reminder for the most anticipated game of the year – Jags vs Titans Thursday night color rush. Well I’m currently writing this with a current score of 27-0 at halftime so I’m gonna assume the Titans hold on, but anything can happen on Thursday night!
Week 7 Whitey aka El Whiteman took home the gold via the tie-breaker and now I owe him $5. A lot of nice things can be said about Whitey. He is gentlemen, he is a terrific dancer, and he can drink more beer than anyone I know. In an odd plot twist, Whitey is afraid of water and refuses to go on boats. What he’s not afraid of is land boats aka fat chicks. Now, I can’t confirm or deny that fat chick claim BUT I can confirm he recently made love to a woman at an outdoor wedding country style in the middle of an open field. So much for being a gentlemen you animal. Whitey also hooked up with Whitey. That’s right he hooked up with a woman also nicknamed Whitey (white on white crime??). Which got me thinking…
Here’s $5 Whitey, please use it to buy some condoms and keep on slinging you animal.
Looking Back: “Whatever, I’ll be dead by Thanksgiving anyways.” This looks more and more true each day. The Browns have yet to win a game and I haven’t been sober since September. The conventional methods of self-care (sleep, diet, exercise) have failed me and I see this ending in a spiral of hard drugs. The only thing worse than my current personal health is the Brown’s record. They could’ve beat the Bengals last week and actually moved the ball decently well, but we had absolutely no answer for A.J. Green and gave up a hail mary before halftime because we’re the Browns and why the hell wouldn’t we give up a hail mary before halftime.
Moving Forward: Browns probably lose again this week? I mean the Jets stink and this is a revenge game for Josh McCown after being helicoptered into death the last time they played but I just cant say with any confidence that the Browns will win this week. However, if you’re looking for a game to turn around those slumping TV ratings, this one is it!
Good luck out there guys. Have a safe Halloween weekend and don’t eat too much corned beef. Next thing you know you’ll be at game 2 of the World Series throwing up in the bathroom.
– Dick Picks