Browns Football

BREAKING: Terrelle Pryor Kills Cody Parkey, Wanted for Murder

Even though we are still waiting on the first Browns win of the year, it is safe to say Terrelle Pryor has arrived. The QB turned receiver turned QB again showed up in a big way for the Browns this weekend as he played receiver, QB, Safety, and will now also kick field goals for the Browns. The Browns did a lot to lose this game, a lot. But they played hard and Hue Jackson made football fun again by sticking Pryor behind the center.

Hey Cody Kessler, you’re the starting QB for the Cleveland Browns, what are you gonna do next!?!

  1. Delay of game penalty
  2. Fumble my first snap under center
  3. Sack fumble
  4. Let Terrelle take the next series at QB

Well Cody, you’ve come to the right place! You’ll fit in just fine around here.


After that it was basically a contest to see if the Dolphins could suck enough to let us win this game. And they almost did. Because they suck. A lot.

An odd game cycle saw us miss a field goal, make a field goal, grab a pick six, make a field goal, miss another field goal, score a touchdown, convert a 2 point attempt, and then make a field goal to tie the game. Only one offensive TD isn’t great, but we battled all day long, Terrelle doing everything all over the place, all the time was AWESOME. First time this year I had fun watching a Browns game.

… And then there we were, tie ball game, with 42 seconds left, Miami football. Just enough time for the Dolphins to drive into field goal range and kick a ball through two uprights (“easier said than done” – Cody Parkey) and walk off with a victory. Something we have seen so many times before. But then something ridiculous happened. Tannehill takes a sack and fumbles the ball, literally gift wrapping the game for any other NFL team besides the Browns. Let’s take an account from one of the players to recap what happened next…

“I could not believe what was happening, they fumbled the ball and it was like I blacked out, we were gonna win the game! The next thing I know, I wake up in the locker room and Mike Pettine (now a game-day security guard for the NFL) and a few other guys were tackling me telling me to chill out. I looked over and there was Cody (Parkey) choked out next to his locker. I mean I don’t apologize at all. Hasn’t that motherfucker ever heard of Phil Dawson? You think Phil would’ve missed that shit? Forget about it. My only regret is not kicking him to death.” – Terrelle Pryor.


Pryor is now wanted for murder but is expected to play next week as Goodell seems to be pretty lax on the whole murder thing… Aaron Hernandez, never officially suspended by the league, Ray Lewis, I’m just saying, tape don’t lie Roger.

The overtime loss drops the Browns to 0-3 as they actively battle the Bears for the number one pick in April’s draft. Redskins are up next, we will win this game, the Redskins are the perfect target.

Lastly, hey Jonah, Robbie Gould is a free agent, ever heard of him?


One thought on “BREAKING: Terrelle Pryor Kills Cody Parkey, Wanted for Murder

  1. Pingback: Folbies Pick’em Weekly Write Up – Week 3 | Folbies International

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