Browns: The Browns get ready to square off with the Philadelphia Eagles in what is sure the be worst game of week one, possibly the entire season. Kudos for the NFL for scheduling this as the opener because god knows this could easily be 2-10 vs 3-9 squaring off later in the year. Now what they should do is rebrand it as the Comcast Customer Service Incompetence Bowl slip it in on a Wednesday afternoon during winter break and watch the ratings pile up!
What I hope to see is our offense clicking enough to put up some points and I’d like to see at least one interception of Carson Wentz. Browns skate out of Philly with a 30-17 win.
What I expect to see is RG3 getting pressured too much. RG3 looking uncomfortable when he isn’t throwing a fade. A few nice plays here and there but nothing consistent and a lot of 7 yard runs by the Eagles. I’ll be honest I have really no idea how this will turn out with Wentz getting the nod, but having seen many Browns games before, I’ll call for us to jump offsides on a key 3rd down, put Philly into FG range and watch the ball soar through the uprights as time expires, 23-20 Philly wins.
Indians: Tribe got their 80th win this week (81-58) as we split a 4 game series with Houston after sweeping Miami the past weekend. Problem though, Brian Shaw still sucks. I am absolutely sick of his shit. He got bailed out on Sunday then came back Monday with a man on and goes single, walk, sac fly. Took a 3-2 ballgame to a 6-2 ballgame and that was pretty much curtains. Shaw keeps that close, Kluber gets 4 pitches back on Tuesday, maybe we sweep the Astros. Either way, if I have to keep watching Brian Shaw’s unathletic ass pitch into October I’m dressing up as Slider and taking a hammer to Shaw’s elbow.
On a lighter note, Napoli hit his 31st homer of the year and Sanata followed suit smashing his 30th, both are career highs. Mike Napoli might be the greatest thing that has ever happened to Cleveland. You could argue LeBron James, but I’d rather hang out with Naps than #striveforgreatness on LeBron’s snapchat everyday. The bombs helped power an 8-2 homestand which leads us to the most dangerous trip of the year, the Minnesota Twins. Some might say, “what about the tigers the last week of the season, that could decide the division!” Fuck that. This series decides the division. For whatever reason, we can’t beat the Twins this year. If we take two of three this weekend, I’ll rest easy.
Headlines of the Week:
Jameis Winston Delivers Intense Halftime Speech During Halftime of Florida State’s Win – Yahoo Sports… Live look into the FSU locker room
h/t TJudge for that one.
Former Rival Coach Brian Billick Says It’s difficult To ‘find a single win’ on Browns’ Schedule – Yahoo Sports… Yeah, no shit Brian. Did it take you 8 years of
stealing our team and covering up Ray Lewis’ murder coaching in the NFL to figure that one out? Fuck off dude.
Why John Elway’s Drive Never Ends – Seth Wickersam, ESPN.com… I see what you did there Seth, not only was Elway was the Quarterback for “The Drive,” he now owns car dealerships. Drive puns, so hot right now, drive puns.
Under Tom Herman, Houston Won’t Back Down From a Challenge – Ivan Maisel, ESPN.com… This is legitimately one of the dumbest headlines I have ever read. Coaches and players try to win games? If only I had known Ivan!
During Rehab, JJ Watt Wondered if He’d Play Again – Sarah Barshop, ESPN.com… Fuckin blow me dude. Seriously JJ, are you running for prom queen or preparing for an NFL season? Based on the evidence – you’re instagram and twitter are worse than RG3’s – I sure as hell can’t tell.
By The Numbers: The Indians went 3-2 this week their magic number is 18. The Browns sit at 0-0, haven’t lost yet! I gained 5 pounds this week. Next week, we will compare Tribe runs scored vs Browns points scored.
Thanks again for another great week folks, keep reading and share with your friends!