Ok so fairly big problem here, Danny Salazar forgot how to pitch. If we are going off the Scary Scale, I’d say it’s 11:50 and the paper is due at Midnight. Another bad start and I will officially leap to horrible conclusions and land us at “Pregnancy Test.”
Salazar’s last three starts: 7 innings, 15 hits, 15 earned runs. The male brain is capable of great things. I’ve watched firsthand as respectable men convince themselves that the 5 they are talking to is an 8. “She’s got a great body dude.” Maybe she does, but the rest of her looks like Woody Harrelson from Anger Management.
So while we’ve all had a few friends who have taken home the “cute face but could lose about 60 pounds” girl from the bar, there really isn’t much we can do to make Salazar’s last three starts any better. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to try though. Salazar and I have had the same amount of rehab starts this year, zero. It would be great if Danny could work things out in AA or AAA before rejoining the Tribe, but the numbers game was not going to allow for that. Even though I, and everyone reading this, will always be smarter than anyone running the Browns, I know I am not smarter than Terry Francona. So I have faith that there is a good reason for this as part of the greater plan. Hopefully these two starts are the equivalent of throw away rehab starts and the third one will be the charm.
Another piece of good news to ease the pain, no matter how bad we play, we don’t play at Guaranteed Rate Field, the new home of the the Chicago White Sox. One thing I can guarantee is all the “guarantee” jokes that will be made at their expense. Head on over to Guaranteed Rate Field, where you’re guaranteed to see a mediocre ball club make poor decisions each year. There’s guaranteed to be a lot of mexicans at the game, there’s also guaranteed to be a million open seats. I guarantee you the dip’n’dots stands close in the 7th (they do, it’s BS) and I guarantee you could walk the stadium and see less than five attractive women. But hey, lets go cheer on those White Sox am I right?
Since Progressive Field ain’t much better, perhaps an upgrade is in order???