Browns Football

“We Will Be A Top Ten Defense” – Jamie Meder, Browns Fat Back-Up White Guy

Last year the Browns ranked #27 in total defense, just horrendously bad. To say they are gonna jump into the top ten this year is just plain ignorant. But as we know, anything is possible in August. Below we have the cases both for and against why the Browns D will or won’t be an elite unit this year.

Why the Browns will have a top ten defense this year:

Reason 1: Puig comes to Cleveland as a Brown, not an Indian. Apparently the Dodgers can’t give away puig? You’d think our sabermetric loving, baseball managing, front office nerd would be smart enough to figure this one out. Christ sakes Jonah, do I have to do all the work around here? Stick Puig at linebacker and watch the 30th ranked run defense turn into the SCLSU Mud Dogs with Bobby Boucher. That’s not even a joke either, the hardest part would be teaching Puig english, after that, dude would be a pro-bowler within two years.


Reason 2: To his credit, Jamie Meder is awesomely fat

Meder Old school white

That is a world class white guy gut right there. A proper gut if you will, not that sloppy shit like Danny Shelton’s sweaty ass.

Reason 3: Joe Haden

Why the Browns won’t have a top ten defense this year:

Reason 1: Justin Gilbert, Barkevious Mingo, Ibraheim Moizoos, Tank Carder

Reason 2: Paul Kruger cut his hair and now looks like penis. Below you will see two men, one sacks quarterbacks and is the real father of your child. The other just invited you to his shitty slasher metal band’s concert that will be attended strictly by virgins. Sadly, the latter is suiting up for the Browns this year.


Reason 3: Ray Horton has never had a top ten defense*. In 2011 and 2012 with Arizona he was 14 and 21. In 2013 with Cleveland he was 24. In 2014 and 2015 with Tennessee he was 6* and 21. The * is because the Titans went 2-14 that year and somehow were 27th in points against but 6th for total yards. Very odd.

Now I obviously hope Jamie Meder is right. If the Browns have a top 10 D we will be sniffing the playoffs no doubt.  I also hope Puig comes to Cleveland, someone with some authority make that shit happen. All in all, I think Jamie Meder and I need to hang out, massive gut, quality beard, delusional outlook on the Browns, sounds a lot like the brother I never had (thanks dad).

When the Dodgers tell Puig he’s going to AAA…



2 thoughts on ““We Will Be A Top Ten Defense” – Jamie Meder, Browns Fat Back-Up White Guy

  1. Pingback: Week In Review: Tribe Road Woes, Browns in Tampa and Headlines of the Week | Folbies International

  2. Pingback: Browns Hit Mid-Season Form vs. Bucs in Preseason Week 3 | Folbies International

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