Browns: Man it is going to be fun to watch the Browns this year. The new RGFree files for divorce and promptly guns a few touchdown passes to his friends. Preseason week 2 might be the best week of the year for our boy Robbie G. I’m telling you, this guy has turned the corner and he ain’t looking back. Long live the afro. Browns 2016, this is gonna be fun. I can already tell we aren’t going to play a lick of defense this year, given the age of this team I expect the special teams to be a circus act and I wont be surprised to see yellow flying due to all the inexperience. Obviously, the best part of it all will be The Great Black Hope running and gunning to Coleman, Pryor, Barnidge, and Sober Josh. Even the running backs looked halfway competent last night. Holy Shit am I excited. August in Cleveland. What a time.
Next preseason game is Tampa Bay, the strip club capital of the world. That’s not a joke, that’s a fact. Anyone trying to travel for that one, hit me up. Really wish this was a regular season game. Winston vs RGFree? That has Thursday night magic written all over it. Maybe next year.
Indians: Some sombering news, Cody Allen blew a save Wednesday by giving up a grand slam to a guy who is 5’8″ and Danny Salazar lasted un inning in his return from the DL last night. I know Salazar really didn’t have an injury and they just wanted him to work his mechanics and get some rest, but why not give him a start in AA before bringing him back up? The Tribe have been playing well and definitely stole one last night (s/o Tyler Naquin) but we need All-Star Danny Salazar back if we are gonna make a run in October. I know Tito was in a pinch with Tomlin on leave, but I was available to pitch last night, I’m always available, Tito forgets that. The Tribe could’ve easily won every game this week which is sad, one run ball game Monday, blown save Wednesday, but that’s baseball.
Headline’s of the Week: This is something new I would like to start because the sports mediaverse really throws out some gems and who am I to not make fun of them? Here we go…
“Gordon Needs the Browns More than They Need Him” – Bud Shaw, Cleveland.com… Listen Bud (well that’s ironic), if you think Gordon wouldn’t have 31 missed calls on his phone immediately after the Browns let him go, you’re higher than Josh. Jerry Jones would be on the next flight to Cleveland to guarantee him clean piss and a private escort to Dallas. Pro-Bowl receivers don’t grow on trees, they smoke them, and the #27 offense in the league last year needs him badly.
“Britney Griner Says She Could Be DeMarcus Cousins in a Game of One on One” – ESPN… He probably could.
“Son of El Chapo Kidnapped” – Sean Penn/Rafeal Romo, CNN… I know this isn’t sports, but show me a man who doesn’t like El Chapo and I’ll show you a liar. My only question is, does Chapo even know which son? Does he even care? Dude clearly fucks. A few people will die and El Chapo will get his kid back, but I’d throw $20 on him not knowing that kid’s birthday.
“Kris Bryant Has Been in Tune With His Swing From Little Lague to Now” – Buster Only, ESPN.com… So you’re telling me that Kris Bryant has been consistently good at baseball? Well thanks Buster, I was considering falling out of bed tomorrow and joining the NBA, but since you’re telling me it won’t work because I haven’t been in tune with my jump shot since diapers, I guess I’ll keep my day job.
“Darren Sharper sentenced to 18 years in prison for multiple druggin, rape charges” – Associated Press… Oh Shit, it’s
Darren Sharper, one of the most hardest hitting safties in the LEAGUE!!! Federal Prison, one of the most hardest ass raping places in the STATES! What goes around comes around I guess. Pretty fucked up Darren, enjoy prison and thanks for ruining that YouTube video for me. Now on a lighter note…
“Cuban Wreslter Dances. Body Slams Coach After Winning Gold” – Jay Busbee, Yahoo Sports… Sounds like the coach is the real winner here.
“Why It’s The Correct Time For Michael Phelps to Call it a Career” – Pat Forde, Yahoo Sports… Because he’s fucking old. Clean it up Pat.
By the Numbers: The Browns went 0-1 this week, the Indians went 3-2, and I gained 2.5 pounds.
That’s all for now folks, thanks for another great week of Foblies! Keep reading, share with your friends, we’ll see you next week!