No you did not misread that headline. RG3 aka King Cornball is filing for divorce as J.R. “Get Chicks Or Die Trying” Smith honeymoons in Europe. There is also a beautiful beachfront resort opening up in Kansas this year and the Browns are playoff bound. Which actually brings up a solid question, what will happen first, Kansas gets an ocean (thanks global warming) or the Browns make the playoffs?
This feels very wrong my friends. RG3 is clearly a “relationship” guy while J.R. Smith is clearly a “pour champagne on hoes” guy. How JR is married to the lady who works in H.R. while RG3 is divorcing his wife of three years is beyond me. It comes as no surprise however, that RG3 has already wiped his Instagram clean of his soon to be ex-wife. Gonna get divorced, you should definitely focus on your career and prepare for your upcoming game this week spend at least an hour deleting pictures from your IG account. Veteran move for sure by Robbie.
Despite his odd obsession with social media, I actually think this is great news. Everyone knows love can make a man weak in the knees and while we’ve already ruled out the J.R. isn’t actually in love, RG3 probably was and pretty famously shredded an ACL because of it. I believe this is another solid step in the right direction for RG3. Move to Cleveland, grow out your afro, get divorced. For any other man, that is most likely the worst day of your life, but for RG3 it’s all part of the resurgence. As RG3 loves to say; no pressure wife, no diamonds/ACL injuries.
Now it’s pretty obvious Cleveland is the responsible party here; not a chance in hell his wife wanted to move to Cleveland. Which leads me to my closing statement, RG3 now owes us a playoff appearance. We give you your last chance in the NFL, name you the starter, and on top of it you get your freedom back? Yeah, I’m gonna need a 10-6 season with a few wins over Pittsburgh within the next few years. Finalize the paperwork and watch out NFL, RGFree is coming at ya!