So J.R. posted this photo to Instagram last night and I spent a solid 10 minutes figuring out what I was looking at. Did J.R. Smith marry a cafeteria lady? What is going on in this photo? That woman serves lunches, she doesn’t marry NBA players, let alone J.R. “you trying to get the pipe” Smith.
Honestly, what planet am I on? I was as surprised as anyone when I heard he was getting married in the first place but this is just outrageous. There are a few possible scenarios in my mind:
- This woman can cook. Everyone knows the key to a man’s heart is gravy and a side of BJ’s.
- This chick has enough dirt on J.R. to lock him up for 50 years (most likely the scenario)
- J.R. Smith found love…. and love was blind as shit and then proceeded to stare into the sun for three years.
Let’s be real though, scenario three is impossible. News flash, true love is about as existent as the dinosaurs my friends. Maybe it worked a zillion years ago when we lived to 35 and anything with less hair than you looked desireable (I’d have had a field day), but not today. Not in our society, not with modern technology, and certainly not with a few million dollars and an NBA championship to your name. Someday I’ll interview this most likely incredible, nice woman and get to the bottom of this, but until then, RIP Earl J. Smith Jr.
P.S. This might be a great sneaky long play by J.R. Chicks want two things: commitment and anything they can’t have. J.R. just killed two birds with one stone. I tip my cap J.R. Now sign that contract so I can justify this jersey I just bought.