Cleveland Round-Ups

Cleveland Round-Up: August 4th, 2016

MISSING: Pitching Staff

The Indians have the best starting pitching staff in the AL and currently boast a 22.68 ERA in August??? Uh, what? What planet am I on? Somebody help. Dad?

Real talk though, I’ll be in Cleveland in a week can’t see my appearance not turning the team around.

WANTED: Twins

…. And the Minnesota twins. The Indians are a combined 26-8 against the Royals, White Sox, and Tigers but a dismal 4-8 against the Twins. I honestly do not know how you lose 8 of 12 to a team who plays such fundamentally horrible baseball. The Twins have had their way with our clearly struggling staff. Kluber was lucky and avoided the Twins. Salazar just landed on the DL, Bauer hasn’t returned to form since the break and Carrasco has been good but inconsistent since returning from the DL this year. Josh Tomlin continues to roll the roulette wheel of baseball fortune. Tomlin sported a .250 BABIP through June, however, since July in his last 5 starts it has jumped to .311. For a guy who is not a strikeout pitcher, that worries me – lands at about a 7 on the Scary Scale (“I’m openly cheating on this test”).

Meanwhile,  Miguel Cabrera and the Tigers are hot as can be and have gone from 7.5 GB to 2. Which leads me to my next question, is Miguel Cabrera is the 8th wonder of the world? Every year I tell myself, “Miggy is getting fat man, he’s had a little too much tequila, I think he is due for a down year.” Every year he has too much tequila, gets fatter, and somehow gets better. I swear that dude just pounds rice, beans, and RBIs every off-season. Incredible stuff.

ALSO WANTED: Josh McCown?

Seriously I laughed too. The Cowboys need a backup for Ms. Romo and have set their sights on Josh McCown. Other candidates include Mike Glennon, LOL, Josh Freeman, and drum roll please… Michael Vick. In all seriousness, McCown is far better than any of those options and would be very valuable in Dallas as a starter once Romo inevitably goes down. Here is what I would like to see; Cowboys sign Vick and trade Vick for McCown, maybe throw in All-Pro Guard Zach Martin and we have ourselves a deal? MV7 in the Dawg Pound would be so ironically beautiful it would almost fill the Texas-sized hole in my heart Johnny left.

Live look at me: dawg_pound_wants_michael_vick_3.jpg

Obviously this is assuming that RG3 wins the battle and that would leave us with RG3, Cody Kessler, and Austin Davis… Yeah Austin Davis, the guy who SLID IN BOUNDS with 20 seconds left in a tie game last year. Fucking A that play still pisses me off. People need to be held accountable for their actions Austin. Say what you want about John’s decisions off the field, that is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen on a football field. Only the Browns…

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